A SWINGER: THOSE “GAMES” WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S WIVES

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  • Italiano
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“I started to attend swingers’ clubs about 15 years ago, at the beginning of the new millennium. Since then I have not abandoned this habit, with pauses that never exceed two months“.

David (the name is fictitious, in order to respect the privacy) is part of one of the many parallel realities, invisible to our eyes. Unexpected, that crosses social classes and professions. They simply “live among us“, one could say quoting the title of the register n. 13 of Dylan Dog.

They are our neighbours, our friends, relatives, acquaintances, employees or employers. During the day, they live a normal life and in the night, while the city sleeps or rumbles sleepless in front of the umpteenth garbage talk show, they give vent to the dark side of their personal Moon. Looking for hypothetical satisfactions of an inner emptiness or – and this is the case of David – unleashing the senses, in order to not think about the daily miseries.

It is not a justification, it cannot be. It is mere chronicle from the underground world of the Club Privé reserved to swingers, who decide to share the sacredness of the intimacy of the couple with others through infidelity based on mutual agreement. A reality that is light years away from what the filmography proposed us over the years. Forget, then, the masks and the guttural sounds of “Eyes Wide Shut” or the grotesque litanies of Tinto Brass according to whom “jealousy is the most powerful aphrodisiac”. What David told us is a glimpse of the raw reality in which we live.

How was the first time?
“I went in the company of a friend and a couple. We were a little more than twenty years old and we were intrigued by the stories that other people told us. The couple, with the woman very young, remained on the loveseat throughout the evening without doing anything. Me and my other friend were instead pleasantly thrilled with the ‘game’ and after a small initial embarrassment, we were perfectly comfortable, so much to decide to return as soon as possible. It was exactly as we imagined”.

What pushes a person to try this form of transgression?
“The reasons are essentially two. If you are single you essentially look for a sexual adventure with women often older than you and in an exhibitionist context, being able to meet more than one occasional partners in the same evening. A real physical relief. If you access as a couple it is a response to another type of ‘need’. The woman often complies with the perversion of the man of seeing her possessed by others. Or they look for the possibility of an ‘equal’ exchange with other couples of the same age or of the same aesthetic level, applying the principles of the open couple in a place that allows to do it without any risk”.

You can access this clubs alone or you need to be in couple? How much does it cost?
“You can access in couple paying only the annual membership fee, or alone with an entrance ticket between 80 and 100 Euro plus the cost of the card that is compulsory. One is registered with documents like for a cultural association, which a swinger club actually is.”

Intercourses occur in private rooms or in public?
“Usually there are different environments. Some are reserved: real bedrooms with a spyhole in the door for the voyeur, others instead are completely open to the public, with sofas in the centre of large rooms, where orgies take place. In the summer season, some clubs also have a space reserved for couples and singles at the pool side, with bungalows and tables where the approaches begin”.

What is the average age of visitors?
“The couples are on average about 40 years old with a good presence of the over 50. Girls under 30 are a minority. While it is easier to find males aged between 20 and 30 years. Also because very often the couple asks for ‘Bulls’, vigorous lovers for the woman”.

Are there also private meetings, away from the premises, perhaps through the use of online ads?
“Inside the club is strictly forbidden to introduce mobile phones and therefore one always tries to remain anonymous in the ‘game’, but sometimes it happens that after a long frequentation starts a special relationship between individuals and couples or between couples. There are also websites for swingers that constitute a parallel circuit of meetings outside the clubs, in the car or in the house of the couple. Sometimes people meet through these portals and then they meet for the first time in the club, as a first approach, to then continue elsewhere”.

What is the approach in this case?
“Often people ask for a first contact in video chat to know each other visually, otherwise the first appointment is always fixed in a public place for a coffee or a dinner, whether it is the case of two couples or of a couple with a single. Then there are the ‘daring ones’ that only require a photo presentation before to meet and consume the intercourse. Others prefer to give vent to their own fantasies only through the social networks, sharing photos and hot comments. An evolution of what happened before thanks to the use of new communication technologies”.

How do husbands or boyfriends behave while assisting to the intercourse of their wife or partner with another man?
“As I said before, very often are precisely the male partners that feed this fantasy, then they are the first to encourage their partner not to be shy or afraid, encouraging the exchange. They choose the ‘Bull’ with which to play or the other couple with which to exchange. Some, often older couple, assist passively practicing masturbation and without intervening in intercourse, they are called contemplatives. In percentage terms are more the men of the couple to organise the meeting than vice versa”.

This article, as anticipated, does not have the purpose to justify those who attend the Club Privé. But the one, endemically inherent to the journalistic mission, to tell a reality, so that each one, in his own way, can question about the society in which we live. In a passage not reported in the interview, David has remarked that swinging is “a perversion that is as old like the world“, almost trying to marginalize the level of his behaviour conduct. An underscore that perhaps is the prelude to the recognition of a mistake, of a repentance. Of the full understanding that sexuality is a gift to be valued and the couple a heritage not to be dispersed.

Interview carried out with the collaboration of Angelo Maria Papi

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