The experience we, APG23, have gained in 35 countries and on 5 continents, that is, in different cultures and religions (Asia, Latin America, Africa, Australia, China, Eastern Europe, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim, and Christian), shows that the natural place where every person grows and develops is the natural family, formed by a man and a woman. In cases when there are difficulties due to mourning or illness, it is up to the bigger family made of grandparents, uncles and aunts, to take care of the person, not to same-sex unions. Already in Ancient Greece, pederasty was credited and applied in pedagogy, but it did not take root; quite the contrary, the human race has proliferated.
In our century, they have tried to replace the family in Israel, Russia, but have backed off, seeing the disastrous effects of these experiments: violent, disaffected, emotionally unstable, and antisocial young people who were not able to fulfill their work commitments. We see it plainly in Astrkan, Volgograd, and Elista in Russia.
Children need an adequate psycho-affective harmony, which takes into account the emotional turmoil they experience in teenage years; they need the steady figures of a father and a mother, whose presence must be personalized and continuous.
In my studies on clinic sexology, in which different kinds of couples were presented, the homosexual or homo affective unions had the greatest number of partners who were frequently changed.
Certainly, this applies also to heterosexual couples. We have encountered in our therapeutic communities (or in prison communities) that one of the causes of their addictions or distresses has was the fact that they never had the opportunity to sit on daddy’s or mom’s lap.
In the early years of life, the mother is as important as air and water to a child. It debunks the myth of having two fathers. We explain and document it.
A research conducted by Spitz on 90 institutionalized children – that is, on children who did not have the opportunity to receive the necessary maternal care, and above all, to live the mother-child relationship, which is fundamental for a healthy physical and mental development – highlighted the serious deficiencies these children were facing: some of them let themselves die or closed in an autistic dimension. Spitz and Bowlby showed that the emotional and affective experiences in early childhood lay the basis and prepare the creation of a mature and balanced personality. Deprivation and neglect in early stages of life, on the other hand, provoke deep traumas in the person, indelible traces of suffering that will last a lifetime.
Another study conducted by Silvia Bonino from the Department of Psychology, University of Turin, highlighted that children placed in unfamiliar contexts had significantly lower results in cognitive, affective, and emotional fields than children of the same age (from 0 to 14 months) who lived in a normal family environment.
Relational suffering sometimes transforms in antisocial tendencies in adulthood and it needs to be prevented. As Bettelheim writes in An Almost Perfect Parent, “those who have received fair parenting (from a father and a mother) and education, has a rich and rewarding interior life, that makes him feel pleased with himself whatever happens in life.” In his study on the psycho-affective development of two groups of children, Spitz recorded better results in the first group of children whose mothers were convicts, but who took care directly of their children, than in the second group of children who received excellent food and hygiene, but had no individual relationships with their mothers.
Educating inside the family means awakening the concept of Resilience, coined by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Boris Cyrulnik. He borrowed the term from physics, where it indicates the ability of a material to withstand sudden shocks without breaking. He conceived the concept of resilience after spending a lifetime trying to understand how traumatized children overcome the violence they have suffered and become happy adults. Psychological resilience is the ability to cope with traumatic events in a positive way, and to reorganize one’s lives in the face of difficulties. Being resilient is more than just resisting; it means transforming suffering into strength and vulnerability into skill. Educating resilience requires ability to build solidarity networks that encourage the strengthening of family and environmental factors needed to develop it.