“Being able to get divorced in a shorter period of time trivializes separation of a couple . The logic of black and white in a couple undergoing a crisis does not exist: abandoning a life project, a dream, is terrible. You go from despair to other moments of recovery. And the final decision, in many cases, is the offspring of this uncertainty. The desire not to remain eternally suspended “. Cristina and Alberto (the names are fictional) show us photos of their wedding and then the last holiday in Bali. There is 10 years difference between them and their faces are always smiling. It seems almost impossible that a few months ago they risked getting lost. It all started by the end of 2011 from a text message mistakenly intercepted by Cristina; the text of the message left no room for doubt: her husband was having an affair with one of his colleagues. The woman asked her husband for explanations and he confessed: his extramarital affair had been going on for several months but he never thought of leaving the family (along with their two teenage children), preferring to keep “two feet in two brackets” as long as he could.
The breakup was inevitable: Alberto leaves home and goes to live alone, thinking, at that point, to continue his relationship with the other woman. Things changed when, in his new home, he received a notification summoning him for the legal separation. “I realised there was no remedy to the matter – remember – in that moment I was in a phase of reflection. When the legal officer appeared before me, I became aware that everything was coming to an end. ” He decided to face the challenge and try to restore his relationship again by first breaking off his affair “it was easy –he says smiling today – it was not true love”. But this act of reconciliation was not enough: Christina was disappointed and angry, she wanted to go all the way and got separated
Alberto did not give up and after a few months offers his wife to try again, at least for the sake of their children. “Something in me snapped – she says – and decided it was worth a try. But I was not very optimistic. ” He went to a psychologist and turned to a priest to be put under criticism, to get advice, understand fully what had led him to commit the error. Thus began the second phase of their love, “the most beautiful. Because if falling in love is wonderful, finding yourself still in love after a moment of profound crisis, is sublime “. In that trial the two seemed toh ave returned beng young again: Alberto is romantic, he cuddles her, brings her gifts,takes her out to dinner and on weekend outings. And Cristina, after an initial reluctance, returned smiling again. “In April 2013, we went back permanently together after a year and a half”, i.e. six months further to the deadline, according to the new law, which stipulates that whoever has obtained the judgement, may proceed with the divorce. A slap in the face to the family and to the suffering of many spouses.
Let’s face it: the dissolution of the civil effects of marriage, after 6 months (in the case of consensual divorces) or one year is not automatic and one can always get back together. But the shortening in the times, in addition to actually facilitating insufficiently pondered unions can encourage hasty decisions, taken perhaps in the wake of anger and resentment, with all the loss which may ensue on the offspring and the serenity of husband and wife. The same Cristina told us: “If there had been a short-notice divorce, we probably wouldn’t have agreed to try again. If I had seen an easier solution, in the situation I was, I would have probably have grabbed it immediately.”
A study recently published by the Association of Italian Divorce Lawyers has declared that every year about 6 thousand separate spouses get back together again. A minimum figure compared to the 51 thousand divorces and 88 thousand separations recorded for example by Istat in 2012, but that is nevertheless considerable when compared with that of marriages restored following the breakup (a few hundred each year). Not to mention that most of the people who have separated, up until now, have decided to remain married, out of affection, family or religious reasons. The trend is destined to be wiped out by a law that makes the union between a man and a woman a game and responsibilities towards children merely a collera appearance of a society that is increasingly poisoned by its selfishness.